To My Readers

So with graduation upon us it means like TT my blogging journey is about to come to an end. While I started Blogging some with apprehension about baring my private thoughts for the world to see, it has infact become something I am now much more comfortable with. I think it would be fair to say it was my daily therapy. A way at the end of the day to put my thoughts down. Looking back already there are things I had forgotten so I am really pleased I made the time to post each day (internet depending) so that the days didn't just blur into one as the weeks rolled by.

And while there are obviously some thoughts I haven't shared, I have remained totally honest about my experience here and kept things as raw as they felt on some days. I hope that anyone reading this and considering coming to Teacher Training understands that this is a record of my journey and my journey alone, based on the thoughts and expectations I had prior to coming here and the daily experiences I had. I am sure there are blogs out there of these same past 9 weeks that read very differently (though I intentionally did not follow any off them so that I didn't feel influenced as to how I wrote).

So to those who have followed my posts and let me know your thoughts whether privately or through Blogspot, I am truly humbled and flattered by your comments and that you made time in your own lives to read about my journey. I will write a last post from LA after grad and then probably another one after my first class to let you know how it goes.

To you all,
Namaste.

Graduation Day

Its the morning of graduation day. My roommate has left early. Unable to hide her disappointment she felt she couldn't bring herelf to "celebrate" our graduation and so she changed her flight and flew out this morning.

I watched her pack early this morning with envy. I don't fly home until Wednesday. Having booked my flights 3 months ago it was impossible to know how I would feel at the end of this journey so I had allowed a few extra days here to relax and unwind, and had the thought I might be able to teach my first class at a local studio. (Unfort 430 other yogis had the same idea and it has been impossible to get a class anywhere.) It will cost $700 to change my flight. A cost that needless to say after 3 months of not working I simply can not afford.

So my dear wonderful roommate is gone and I miss her already. A stranger just 9 weeks ago, and someone so different from myself, yet who I believe will now be a life long friend. Often we would lie here at night in the darkness talking about the days experiences and trying to make sense of it all. We shared laughter, tears, moments of hysteria, and luckily the same dark sense of humour. You helped keep me sane and I will forever be thankful to the Angels who arranged for us to room together.

And so I sit here, alone for the first time in 9 weeks. And the tears come. Tears for the disappointment, for the expectations and hopes that were not met. For the times that this all felt "uselessly hard". For the times it was so challenging, not because of pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and forcing growth but for the endless hours it was so mind-numbingly uninspiring.

And so though I can now fulfill my dream of becoming a yoga teacher it is bittersweet. Would I do it having known ahead of time it would be like this? I think because teaching this yoga is something I want so much to do, that I would say yes. But I would have come with a different mindset, maybe more prepared for the bootcamp style of journey that it has been.

I find it so sad that instead of coming away feeling empowered and inspired it has simply been a task that I have completed. Is my greatest lesson from this just going to be to learn to accept that "it is what it is"?

We had our final lecture last night. It finished agonizingly late. Bikram seemingly keen to relish in our last hours together while we were eager just to be be done. How ironic that his last words to us were about how disappointed in us he was.

Final Yoga Class Spring TT 2011

I think the smiles say it all!

But whats with the coke you ask?

Because Bikram drinks Coke through class, this time we all took in Coke of our own to drink at "party time" the first official water break. He joined us of course but later wondered why we didn't have more energy?

To be honest warm Coke isn't particuarly appealing. But I have to admit to having drunk tonnes of it since being here. After class when its straight out of the fridge its like liquid gold! :-)

I have to add, that one of my goals was to never leave the hot room and I am proud to say that I achieved it. Though I can't say there weren't days when I didn't want to run from the room screaming, that was generally when we were in the lecture room not the hot room. LOL!

Rajashree's Last Class Spring TT 2011

Pic at top: The beautiful Rajashree, Bikram's wife for those who don't know her. A world yoga champion in her own right. She is without doubt the saving grace of this organisation and I wish we could have seen more of her.

Gemma, Nazreen and I - girls from my group who I shall miss dearly :-)

Monday Night Movie

1:00am Movie Starts

I am an unwilling Pawn in an over-grown child's game.

A game of manipulation, full of power trips and mind games.

Instead of war, the threat is that I won't receive my certification if I don't comply and carry out my orders without question.

I do what is asked of me........... unthinking........... unfeeling.

I feel soul-less.

4:00am I have lost the plot.............................

Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie

With Maree from Brisbane, Dale from Capalaba, and Ben from the 'Gabba (that's Woolongabba for you non-Australians). Some of you yogis from home may recognise Ben (Maddy's partner) He taught the class today and I have to say it seemed so strange to be hearing the Ozzie accent on the podium. Loved his class and so hope to catch up again once back in sunny QLD :-)

Tell Me Why I Don't Like Mondays

Its the start of the final week, only 4 days, 8 yoga classes to go. This is the week they promised us they would "put it all together" and so we had to "stay focused". That we would be getting those last few invaluable skills and those pieces of essential knowledge that would help us come away as teachers.

So we should all be on a high right! Well, it started off that way as we settled in for our first lecture of the day. Everyone sitting at attention in their seat, ears pricked, eyes forward. Notebooks in hands, pens hovering over paper eager to record those essential key pieces of information that were going to "put it all together" for us so that we could step into our home studios with confidence.

Alas, it was not to be so. Instead we were met with yet another agonizing display of poor presentation. Just when you thought the bar couldn't possibly be set any lower, it dropped down yet another rung on the ladder of disappointment.

What I did learn in the 4 hour afternoon lecture today:

- that the veins on my left wrist stand out a lot more than the veins on my right wrist
- that my girlfriend's earrings came from a shop in London
- that if you eat cherry tomatoes straight after a Tic Tac they don't taste so good
- that an acronym for the 7th set of Pranayama breathing is D's Fete
- that the 6th set of exhale breathing in Pranayama is the same as the 3rd
- that there were 116 ceiling tiles in the portion of the ceiling above me
- that there were 2 light bulbs out in the portion of the ceiling above me
- that I need a pedicure

I think you get the idea. We are due back there at 9:30pm for another "lecture" with Bikram. Which reminds me, I must remember to take my dialogue with me so that I can learn the 2nd set of Pranayama breathing.