On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know......
that "Why is this happening?" is the most useless question in the Universe.
The only really profitable question is, "What?" As in, "What do I choose now?" This question empowers. The "why" question simply perplexes, and rarely satisfies even when it gets a good answer.
So don't try to "figure it out." Stop it. Just focus on what you now wish to create. Keep moving forward. There's nothing behind you that can possibly serve you better than your highest thoughts about tomorrow.
I got this message over the weekend from Neale Donald Walsch - Conversations with God, and it is so fitting for where I am right now. My head is full of "why is this happening now?" questions and I am frustrated by a lack of immediate answers and an inability to make sense of a lot of things that have happened since I've been here.
Its been a week since I've done any yoga and boy do I ever NEED to get back into the Hot Room. At home if I miss even a few days in a row I start feeling a little frazzled and unnerved so to be forced to take a week off while here under these circumstances has just compounded any mental anxiety I've been under.
So I'm trying to let go and just go with the flow. To stop running my internal dialogue and trust the universe will look after me and send me exactly what I need at the exact right time. Hmmmm....... easier said than done.
Anyway, on to lighter things; this pic is taken at a beach side restaurant in Malibu where I caught up with my Kiwi friends again on Sunday aft. It is always SO nice to get away from here.
The weekends are a strange time here. You go suddenly from being tightly scheduled all day, having to be somewhere at an exact time, signing in and accounting for every movement along with 430 others to then having time to do whatever you want for 36 hours.
Its eerily silent in the halls as everyone makes their way out into the real world. And while its great being able to make simple decisions like when you want to get up and when you want to eat etc, it also leaves plenty of time for thinking. As I've said before, not always a good thing around here. I know I'm not the only one who finds the weekends harder than the weekdays purely for this reason. When you're constantly busy it takes your mind of things like feeling homesick and all those infamous, "why is this happening?" questions.
Today is the start of week 5. By the end of this week we will be on the downhill stretch. It still feels too long a time to start counting down though. At the moment I'm not putting in much so not getting much out of it all. Kind of a catch 22 because I feel like keeping to myself and yet when I hear how happy other yogis are and how much they are just loving the TT experience and I am jealous to not be feeling the same about my time here to date.
Am planning to try a morning class tomorrow so lets hope that helps start to change things around for me :-) Otherwise its going to be a bloody long 5 weeks..........