Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Home Sweet Home

Finally I am home. It is the best feeling in the world! Never before have I wanted to get home so badly. Usually I want my travels away to continue endlessly and dread coming back. Needless to say, not this time.

My Partner greets me at the airport and we head off to the Surf Club, one of our favourite haunts, as we had planned. So much to say and yet I am unable to find the words. After weeks of sleep deprivation, sleep finally comes. I sleep away countless hours for days and days until I don't feel exhausted anymore. He sits with me in silence often, over the next few days and just gives me a hug when I get that "lost look" as he calls it. Slowly the words come and I start to feel alive again.

I feel so different and yet nothing here has changed in 3 short months. I catch up with friends and fellow yogis, but struggle to find the words to surmise my experience in reply to their questions of "how was it?".

Now a week on I am starting to feel ready to re-join the real world. Eventually I fire up my laptop. There are heaps of messages from all the Trainees now out there teaching or about to. It seems we all felt the same afterwards and have spent a lot of time sleeping and studying dialogue.

My first class is on Saturday. I am excited and anxious about it. All those floor postures I learnt while at Training only stayed in my short term memory and so I am having to re-learning them. It takes hours and I feel more and more anxious and frustrated that they aren't sticking in my long-term memory as quickly as I would like. Ever the perfectionist, I need to learn to chill! It is frustrating though when I think of the countless hours wasted that could have been put to better use.

But onwards and upwards. I don't think I will ever make sense of my whole TT experience but I hope to at least be able to make peace with it. Not so easy when I look at the mounting credit card debt and the floor postures still unmemorized. Sigh.... Grrr..... Sigh. I try not to have too many expectations about my teaching journey, but hope that it makes it all worth while. That it confirms, always, what I held on to so tightly through training, that the yoga works and that I love it. I hope that I always feel what an honour and privilege it is to be able to share that with other people and change their lives in some way as they move through their own journeys as mine has been changed.

Next step - my teaching journey begins...