Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The City of Angels

So I have spent the past few days staying in downtown LA. Needless to say it feels SO good to have moved out of the "XYZ" Hotel. (I don't want to name it for obvious reasons) Living near any airport was never going to be a pleasant experience and the "XYZ" LAX was no exception.

It feels strange to be back in the real world. I still feel a bit dazed and numb, like I haven't woken up properly yet. I wear street clothes and put on make up for the first time in weeks. My clothes hang a bit looser than they used to. I look in the mirror and notice that the woman in the reflection looks older. Her face is thinner, there are more wrinkles and a sadness in her eyes. No sign of the infamous yoga glow that Bikram yoga is supposed to give you.

I feel exhausted but sleep doesn't come easy. After 9 weeks of staying up till 2:00 a.m. my body has adjusted to this time clock and I can't sleep until well after midnight.

I can't wait to get home and sit in my lovers arms on the beach and let the ocean soothe my soul. My Mum is coming over from NZ and we will have a week together. I can't wait to see her and talk about everything and nothing. Till then I am walking around The City of Angels. I have been to Chinatown, Little Tokyo and the historic district. The architecture of the buildings is beautiful and I take tonnes of photos feeling romantic and whimsical, until I nearly trip over a homeless person sleeping in the street. A reality check.

I should be out celebrating and my friend from NZ comes to take me out. I find it hard to connect with the "real world". I want to drink wine, a lot of wine. But at the same time I am scared to "let go". to start feeling, to let the tears come. I fear I won't be able to stop them.

I still feel soul-less and unfeeling.

1 comment:

  1. So sorry to hear that you are so emotionally drained from the TT experience....I have followed your every entry & have been saddened along with you as your excitement was crushed, but bouyed up by every intense & positive class you pushed through. Maybe the reality of being a Bikram teacher will be the wake up call that brings you back to the yoga and why you went on this journey? Do you have your 1st class scheduled?
    My thoughts are with you and I look forward to you finding your peace again.
    Take Care
    Wendy (NZ) Yogini & considering TT in a few years time...